He Hears Me

Last night as I was lying in bed, I started getting depressed thinking about stuff. Worry, guilt, despair and impatience overwhelmed me. I wish I could list the things that bothered me, but strangely, I can't seem to outline any specific thing. Through my tears, I felt the Holy Spirit gently remind me that all these spring from being discontented. 

At that moment, I knew what I should do, but I didn't do it. 

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do but doesn't do it, sins." (James 4:17)

I knew I should pick up God's Word and start letting His light shine into my darkness, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Finally, exhausted from avoiding God via Bejewelled Blitz and Kdrama, I fell asleep. 

This morning, I read the July 6th devotion in Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest. It was as direct a word from God as direct could get. The devotion talks about receiving a vision from God (ditto), and God bringing you into the valley to shape you into the person that fits that vision. 

Over the past month at House of Bread, we've been talking about how God led the Israelites out of Egypt and into the wilderness. It was a beautiful time of testing and teaching the Israelites how to become a community dependent on God, so that they could become His ambassadors to the world. 

Similar to my situation, those Israelites were also given a vision- one of the Promised Land. They were then led into a spiritual "valley" when they were in the desert. And it was during those 40 years in the desert that God tested them, moulded them, pruned them, until they were totally in love with Him. 

I felt that this morning's devotion was God's way of telling me:

I'm still here, and I'm still working on you.

Be patient. Wait for me.

Be content in me.

You're in the desert now and you will experience hardship, but all this is for your GOOD. 

Trust me. 

Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for your timely words again this morning. Thank you for restoring peace into my heart. It is a peace that is not dependent on outside circumstances. Help me to rejoice in you, regardless of whether I am on the mountaintop or in the valley. May I never stray far from you, but always return to your throne of rest, in trust and obedience. Help me not to run away from your voice, but to turn to your Word immediately when I hear your voice calling me. In Jesus' name, Amen.