It's not healthy to stay awake all through the night and morning. But somehow, today feels like it's been worth the sleep deprivation.
It is always this hour, these few precious moments when writing just seems so liquid and easy. It's like all my ideas become a clear fountain without any murkiness or garbage floating around in it, messing up the clarity of its depths.
I can just write...
There may not even be a topic at hand, but I don't want a topic to write about today. I just want to talk and talk and talk... To myself possibly.
Flipping through the archives of my blog is like going through a dark tunnel that I really don't enjoy being in. The stench is overwhelming and I get tempted to flush the caverns clean sometimes. Just erase it all with one shot.
Call it being sentimental- but I like to horde memories.
The dark tunnels I've lived in and the waste water I used to find pleasant made me who I am today. I would have never learnt to appreciate clean air if I never had to wallow in stale sewage.
I look back and am ashamed of who I was... But I am still Mindy- though I no longer steal cookies, I look forward to a future that I know nothing of, except that it has been ordained by God even before the day I was born.
I look forward and yet glance in the rearview mirrors once in a while to keep myself on course... To remind myself of a place and person that I have left behind. Sometimes the backward view seems pretty and inviting... But the truth is that, the image is distorted. I don't ever want to be a pig that returns to twisting in the mud, or a dog that swallows what it has vomitted out.
Simply speaking, I am done with the old me.
I don't let my heart be seduced so easily now because I have finally turned it in to the one true Lord that is Jesus Christ. Because He has conquered all my iniquities, I can be victorious in Him. He is my anchor in a storm and my hiding place during war.
He washed all my shame away. All my pride and hurt and feelings of failure... Washed away in His powerful Love.
That's what it is.
Love.
I have never felt so loved by anybody in my life, not even my parents. God's love compared to their love is like comparing countless oceans to a droplet of water. And that's exactly what keeps this fire going.
No clear goals, no dreams, no aspirations could push me any further along than the hope that I have in Christ.
You know where my priorities are now.
It is always this hour, these few precious moments when writing just seems so liquid and easy. It's like all my ideas become a clear fountain without any murkiness or garbage floating around in it, messing up the clarity of its depths.
I can just write...
There may not even be a topic at hand, but I don't want a topic to write about today. I just want to talk and talk and talk... To myself possibly.
Flipping through the archives of my blog is like going through a dark tunnel that I really don't enjoy being in. The stench is overwhelming and I get tempted to flush the caverns clean sometimes. Just erase it all with one shot.
Call it being sentimental- but I like to horde memories.
The dark tunnels I've lived in and the waste water I used to find pleasant made me who I am today. I would have never learnt to appreciate clean air if I never had to wallow in stale sewage.
I look back and am ashamed of who I was... But I am still Mindy- though I no longer steal cookies, I look forward to a future that I know nothing of, except that it has been ordained by God even before the day I was born.
I look forward and yet glance in the rearview mirrors once in a while to keep myself on course... To remind myself of a place and person that I have left behind. Sometimes the backward view seems pretty and inviting... But the truth is that, the image is distorted. I don't ever want to be a pig that returns to twisting in the mud, or a dog that swallows what it has vomitted out.
Simply speaking, I am done with the old me.
I don't let my heart be seduced so easily now because I have finally turned it in to the one true Lord that is Jesus Christ. Because He has conquered all my iniquities, I can be victorious in Him. He is my anchor in a storm and my hiding place during war.
He washed all my shame away. All my pride and hurt and feelings of failure... Washed away in His powerful Love.
That's what it is.
Love.
I have never felt so loved by anybody in my life, not even my parents. God's love compared to their love is like comparing countless oceans to a droplet of water. And that's exactly what keeps this fire going.
No clear goals, no dreams, no aspirations could push me any further along than the hope that I have in Christ.
You know where my priorities are now.
No comments:
Post a Comment