Monday, August 22, 2011

Uncertainty About Singapore

The countdown's getting closer with each day... All of a sudden the past seven years seem so unreal, like they never happened at all. How different things were back then.

Sometimes I sit in my bedroom and remember how I felt looking out the window back when I was fourteen. I was bored, angry and always felt empty. When I remember that feeling, my heart cringes. How did I ever get through those days without any love, without any light in my life? I cannot imagine life without Christ now that I've tasted what true joy feels like.

I'm on the verge of returning to Singapore- which would have made me extremely happy even five years ago. But now it is with a trembling, scared feeling that I will fly back. Although Singapore will always be my childhood home, the U.S. has also become a home to me too. Again I will have to leave behind friends and family that I've grown really close to in the past years. Again I will have to say goodbye to the little blessings that God's given me; like my cat, my car and even random things like nice wooded trails to run on nearby.

I don't think my friends and family in Singapore quite understand...... I am going back a brand new being. I am not the same Mindy that I was even last summer. I am afraid of how they may react to my passion for Christ. I am scared that I won't be able to find fellow Christians who are willing to be broken for Christ. And not to mention the darkest cloud which looms in the distance- having to look for (and decide upon) a job.

In a sense, I feel as if I were an alien moving to another planet. I dread that same old bored, angry and empty feeling that comes from being alone in my thoughts.

Why oh why do I forget that the Lord is always with me?

On Saturday Steph passed me a beautiful picture of the burning bush in Exodus which she had painted that day and wrote "I will be with you" on it. When I saw the painting, I realised that God had already seen the worries welling up in my heart like Moses had back then.

Moses was married, he had a job (shepherding) and was probably satisfied with his calm life in Midian with his new family. However God chose to jolt him out of his comfort zone at just the right time to return to Egypt- the place of his childhood home. Moses was afraid... just like I am. But God said "I will be with you".

Dear Lord, I have no idea what the future holds. When doubts come to haunt me, I pray that You will wipe them away with Your hands. Heavenly Father, even though I may go to the ends of the earth, whether it be Washington State, Cape Cod or Singapore, You are always there with me, whispering in my ears, comforting my heart. Although my friends and family are but fleeting shadows in my life, You will never leave my side. You give me strength and courage to face whatever comes my way. You shine light unto my paths so I know where to tread. Dear God, I give you all the uncertainties and bad feelings about moving back to Singapore and ask that You will fill me with Your amazing peace. Grant me a safe journey home and continue to fulfill my every need as You have been doing. God You are just so wonderful...... You are the best thing, the only thing in my life that holds any value whatsoever. Help me to focus on You all the days of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.





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