Bear With Me

When people hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, my first instinct is to seek revenge. My second is to escape and eventually forget. Anger, sadness, fear that it may happen again... All these emotions are so real and raw that in the heat of the moment, my eyes are blinded to a stark irony.......

Have I not hurt someone else before? Have I not been selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and unreasonable towards acquaintances, close friends and even family members? (Most of all, God...)

But still they all bear with me with incredible patience. 

Well, maybe not all of them, but some of them.

I had a talk with Annie last Sunday about the friends we leave behind and mending friendships.

I told her that I believe every single one of my friends and family members will let me down at one point in our relationship. But I also hold fast to the value of these "failed" relationships. I will not give up on them, even though it hurts and I have to lay aside all my pride and even my dignity. Isn't that what true friendship or love is about? 

I've learnt over time now that pride is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in a long term relationship (whether a romantic one or in a platonic friendship). 

Because of pride, both parties will not want to forgive each other. Because of pride, no one wants to be the first one to make a move, especially if they feel like they were not in the wrong. No one wants to be the "pursuer" because that role often involves humiliation and rejection.

And it is because of this pride, that we lose friends over the years. It's not because people grow up and become jaded.

But for wounds to mend, someone MUST forgive, make the first move and pursue! Someone must be willing to bear the hurt, humiliation and rejection. Without even a single willing party, there will be no progress in the relationship. 

But, you think, shouldn't both parties be actively involved in wanting this relationship to work? It won't work if only one person wants it but the other doesn't right?

Each time I'm tempted to think that way, I always recall this verse: 

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

It only takes one person with faith as small as a mustard seed. Just a bit of faith believing that all this pain and effort is worth it to keep the relationship. And behind that faith, must be an absence of pride and the willingness to put one's dignity aside.

Easier said than done.

But someone's gotta do it.