Another Start

I'm at work right now and it's really slow since a large chunk of our customers are at work themselves. And although we do get a little lunchtime traffic from the neighbouring businesses, it's not exactly the busiest time of the day.

So here I am... Blogging again.

During this time away, not only have I been busy with studying and whatnot, I've also been doing a lot of evaluation on the way I live life right now.

And I realised that at the rate I'm going, some things have to change.

You see, if people ask, I'll tell them that I'm Christian.

But I read something recently that intrigued me.

If someone wanted to convict you as Jesus' disciple in court, would they have enough evidence? Would you be "guilty as charged"?

I thought hard about this and realised that this may not be so.

Although I've gotten a lot closer to God during the past year or so then I ever have been, I still have a long way to go in becoming a disciple of Christ. There are many things that I still do (or think of doing) that I don't ever see true Christians doing.

For example, I still say "shit" a lot because I don't think it's a bad word. I mean, it really isn't right? But here in America, people think it's a REALLY bad word. Also, I tend to spew nasty Russian words just because it's Russian and it doesn't sound bad to me.

But I realised that even if I am not offended by something, other people will be. And that alone is enough to convince people of my hypocrisy since I call myself a Christian but I still say these things.

Also, I've been feeling a little uncomfortable about the way I used to dress.

Here's why.

A few weeks ago, I went onto Dawn Yang's site. As you all know, Dawn Yang is a self-professed Christian famous Singaporean blogger who still lives the high-flying lifestyle by vacationing, clubbing and just being an overall city girl.

Although I admire Dawn's continued ability to spout bible-inspired phrases and to publicly endorse movements against social ills on her website, something kept lurking in the back of my mind.

I honestly can never see Jesus being ok with the way she dressed when she goes clubbing or the way she takes certain pictures.

And myself? Guilty as charged.

I'll be honest. Like Dawn probably does, I have separate way of dressing when I go to a club, when I go to church and when I go to school. It goes without saying that I tend to expose a lot more when I'm in a club than when I'm in church.

This has been a problem my whole life- that is not dressing appropriately.

And I realise now that you can't dress one way and then another at separate times of the day. When God commands us to be sexually pure, he also means don't dress in a way that will make other people lust after you.

In short, don't make yourself out to be some sex kittenish character because that's not what the kingdom of God is all about.

And clubbing? Would Jesus ever go clubbing just to "enjoy himself"? I think not. And after all these years, I finally see clubbing for what it really is- just a supreme waste of time and money. I'd never take a Christian seriously who goes clubbing because that'll mean he/she is living a double life.

The bible says it plain, loud and clear: you can't serve two masters at once.

I'm not trying to impose my way of living on the rest of the world. I just think that it's important to start living according to what I believe in, rather than just pick and choose and end up looking like a total hypocrite.

I'll admit that all these things have become such a big part of me that it's going to take a lot just to give it all up.

With fashion opting more and more for nudity (WARNING: when I said nudity, I really meant it!) these days, dressing appropriately may seem like an uphill battle- nonsensical and unfashionable.

And I don't need to tell you how media has made sexual images almost inseparable with everything that we interact with these days.

I want to get rid of all of that.

I want to be clean in His eyes and live a life worth living, shine a light worth shining. I want to stop being a hypocrite in every way possible and let people know without telling them that I am a child of God.

I know I have a far way to go but at least I'm getting closer.

I'm already a very different person from who I was last year. I no longer get angry at certain things that used to infuriate me.

Because the only things I can change in this whole world are the things I choose to do, hear, touch, see, taste and surround myself with, here's another goodbye to another old piece of me......