Calendar-wise, we are most definitely still in the throes of spring. But with this 32 degrees Celsius heat, there's no denying that impatient summer is coming up fast on her heels.
As for me, I've decided to stop making decisions and thinking about the future. Not entirely, but much less than what I've been poisoning my brain with. The future has a way of twisting the present into an unrecognisable mulch.
I would know.
My life has been a wastepaper basket for the past few months.
All my thinking and worrying--- and for what? As of today, all my debts are settled and my energy unclogged. So why hold myself back with all the unnecessities?
I feel as if time right now is simply a continuation of last summer.
As if the past twelve months never happened.
In fact, I don't remember being 16, 17, 18 or 19.
And I'm not even 20 yet.
Sometimes when I pass by the diner, I remember how we went there to eat late at night.
Sometimes when I drive over the river, I remember how tired we were after days in the sun.
I remember but I forget.
Acutely, I can recall the faces of my teachers as we walked through the gates of elementary school for the last time, wearing our uniforms.
And because I blinked my eye, I've forgotten the feeling of practising netball with the girls in the sweltering heat of a neverending summer. I can't recall the faces of the men and women and the one person whom I used to see every morning at the bustop on the way to school.
What does agar agar from the mama shop taste like? I used to know.
I knew exactly how much change to give because I used to eat it everyday.
I'm so afraid to blink my eyes again, because I've done it repeatedly for the last four years.
Now I can't remember and I can't forget...
All the little things that shaped me and made me who I am today.
As for me, I've decided to stop making decisions and thinking about the future. Not entirely, but much less than what I've been poisoning my brain with. The future has a way of twisting the present into an unrecognisable mulch.
I would know.
My life has been a wastepaper basket for the past few months.
All my thinking and worrying--- and for what? As of today, all my debts are settled and my energy unclogged. So why hold myself back with all the unnecessities?
I feel as if time right now is simply a continuation of last summer.
As if the past twelve months never happened.
In fact, I don't remember being 16, 17, 18 or 19.
And I'm not even 20 yet.
Sometimes when I pass by the diner, I remember how we went there to eat late at night.
Sometimes when I drive over the river, I remember how tired we were after days in the sun.
I remember but I forget.
Acutely, I can recall the faces of my teachers as we walked through the gates of elementary school for the last time, wearing our uniforms.
And because I blinked my eye, I've forgotten the feeling of practising netball with the girls in the sweltering heat of a neverending summer. I can't recall the faces of the men and women and the one person whom I used to see every morning at the bustop on the way to school.
What does agar agar from the mama shop taste like? I used to know.
I knew exactly how much change to give because I used to eat it everyday.
I'm so afraid to blink my eyes again, because I've done it repeatedly for the last four years.
Now I can't remember and I can't forget...
All the little things that shaped me and made me who I am today.
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