Bloody madness.
I've been trying to finish this paper for the whole day now and I still can't get over my brain block!
I spent a lot of time at work today reading up on my material and I still can't get the ideas into proper sentences and graphs.
Am I just stupid or something?
Maybe it's the salami I've been chewing on. Meat has a way of slowing me down.
No matter what, spring is here and my spirits are up! I've been feeling a little bit useless recently. Just thinking about my hopeless future and lame present situation got me very discouraged. In the past six months, I'd lost so many parts of myself that I'd forgotten what it was like to be normal. I've been through so many pains after struggles after barriers that now I'm just feeling stumped and tired.
I keep asking myself- when will it end?
The funny thing is, I already know the answer.
Life is never going to be easy. It'll only get harder and more complicated as my values become more and more defined.
What makes this all worth it?
It's been a month since my injury subsided and I'm currently 25lbs heavier, 20 seconds slower, that much unhealthier and completely unmotivated. What makes me keep on running?
The answer is- I'm not quite sure.
I remember once not too long ago, the amazing feeling I had just knowing that I'd done what I wanted to complete.
I want to feel that again...
And just like I said to XW- when the reward comes, it'll be that much sweeter just because the stakes are so much higher.
No matter what, I should just never stop running.
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