Um it's almost 02:00 and I really should be in bed but my mind is all over the place thanks to the sugar cookies.
As usual I've been thinking about my future, wondering what God has planned for me. Will I be typing away in some office cubicle this time next year? Or climbing mountains halfway around the world, or eating food off the ground, or getting married, or be dead? I am sure that I could never guess.
I got to thinking about how suddenly I was plucked from Singapore and transplanted to the U.S.. Definitely did not see that one coming. Many of my friends at the time didn't even realise that I'd left for the U.S. permanently until after the fact.
But I was talking to my dad recently about how I probably would have never come this close to the Lord had I stayed in Singapore.
In Singapore, I'm surrounded by all kinds of friends who like shopping, clubbing, having a good time and everything else... But I really only have one or two friends who are pursuing a real relationship with God at the cost of EVERY part of their lives. In other words, real disciples of God's truth, listeners and doers of His Word. Well, it's actually kind of the same here in the U.S... There are usually more fakers in church (I used to be one of them- more on that next time) than followers of Christ.
For one thing, where I live in America, everything is so far apart that you can't get from one place to another without a car. If I wanted to get out of the house, I really couldn't go anywhere before because I couldn't drive. In Singapore I'd just sneak out at night or after school to go hang out at some trashy spot like the old Mohammed Sultan strip. Living out in the middle of nowhere sans public transport ensured that I could not get much chance to delve deeply into the destructive lifestyle I so craved.
Also, while I was vacationing there this past summer, I realised that it's very hard not to be a materialistic person in Singapore. Obviously materialism itself exists on various levels on that sunny island, but it was definitely harder for me to not spend money on unnecessary things since I was surrounded by shopping malls. It seems that at every corner, there's a shop selling something. I also noticed an abnormal amount of people owning DSLRs, expensive phones and wearing only the latest fashions. Here in America, the only people who use DSLRs are the professional photographers. Only they would put that much money into a camera!
In the U.S., most people generally aren't as wealthy as in Singapore. At least not the ones that I usually hang out with. Of course the wealthiest American is far richer than the wealthiest Singaporean but I don't get to rub shoulders with them on a daily basis. Instead, homeless vagrants have become part of my familiar landscape here- something that is virtually erased from the clean streets of Singapore. Actually physically seeing a person not having a house to live in or food to eat really puts recreational shopping in a different light (see previous post about Christmas gifts).
I find that the way the American middle class dresses and the things they own aren't usually as up to date as in Singapore. And honestly, I find it easier and more comfortable hanging around the former. I just don't get the same kind of frenzied fashion/status consciousness as when I'm surrounded by the American class. In America, I don't usually feel like people are wondering why I'm wearing the same sweatshirt four days in a row other than I'm not being diligent with my laundry. Perhaps it's more of a suburbs vs. city mentality... I can't exactly put my finger on it...
In a way, my materialistic sense was heightened a lot more in Singapore than in the U.S.. Hah. Ironic right? Most people would consider America to be a very materialistic place... Well at least compared to other third world countries...
Overall, I just find that God moved me to the U.S. because he knew that I would not be able to control my selfish materialistic thoughts in Singapore. He brought me here so that I could truly unlearn those habits and spend some time with Him.
There are other perfect reasons as well for God to have moved me here... Some still unaccounted for because they are yet to be revealed.
I find it hard to explain to people sometimes how I could feel calm and excited about my future when I should be worrying. They usually take it as a sign that I simply don't care about what I'm going to do after college. The thing is I do care. I care a lot more than I may give off, but I am also consciously leaving this completely up to God.
For the first time in my life, I am praying and asking God to lead me during this critical period. In the past, God would simply put me in circumstances that worked out for my good even though I didn't pray about it. He was already leading me even when I wasn't asking Him to be the Lord of my life. But time after time, all those circumstances have turned out to not only be excellent, but perfect and necessary to my spiritual, emotional, physical and mental growth. I never prayed about choosing a secondary school, but God somehow landed me in one that fit just right. I obviously never prayed about the U.S. but God already foresaw what was to come and put me in place to do His good work.
If God has been faithful all these years, how much more will He bless my prayers now that they are offered in all earnestness?
I ask God for a sign, sometimes for reassurance... Something, anything! God just tell me... Grad school, or get a job? Stay in the U.S., move back to Singapore, or go elsewhere?
But now I am thinking: perhaps a clueness Mindy is exactly what the God intends. I've been clueless my entire life, but I've never worried about the future until now. And even without my worrying, everything turned out just fine and dandy. So what good will my worrying do? Absolutely NONE.
I don't care if other people think that I'm just bumming through college, through life right now. Floating directionless through time and space. Just because I have no career path in mind doesn't mean I'm lost! And that doesn't mean that I have to act worried about it either. I am not worried... Sometimes I think I'm more worried about other people worrying that I look/act worried.
I hope that people will stop mistaking my joy for nonchalance. I believe that God has gone ahead of me to prepare a place and circumstances where He can use me fully and truly for His glory. That is the career path that I have chosen by faith and I know it will not fail me.
Adios!
As usual I've been thinking about my future, wondering what God has planned for me. Will I be typing away in some office cubicle this time next year? Or climbing mountains halfway around the world, or eating food off the ground, or getting married, or be dead? I am sure that I could never guess.
I got to thinking about how suddenly I was plucked from Singapore and transplanted to the U.S.. Definitely did not see that one coming. Many of my friends at the time didn't even realise that I'd left for the U.S. permanently until after the fact.
But I was talking to my dad recently about how I probably would have never come this close to the Lord had I stayed in Singapore.
In Singapore, I'm surrounded by all kinds of friends who like shopping, clubbing, having a good time and everything else... But I really only have one or two friends who are pursuing a real relationship with God at the cost of EVERY part of their lives. In other words, real disciples of God's truth, listeners and doers of His Word. Well, it's actually kind of the same here in the U.S... There are usually more fakers in church (I used to be one of them- more on that next time) than followers of Christ.
For one thing, where I live in America, everything is so far apart that you can't get from one place to another without a car. If I wanted to get out of the house, I really couldn't go anywhere before because I couldn't drive. In Singapore I'd just sneak out at night or after school to go hang out at some trashy spot like the old Mohammed Sultan strip. Living out in the middle of nowhere sans public transport ensured that I could not get much chance to delve deeply into the destructive lifestyle I so craved.
Also, while I was vacationing there this past summer, I realised that it's very hard not to be a materialistic person in Singapore. Obviously materialism itself exists on various levels on that sunny island, but it was definitely harder for me to not spend money on unnecessary things since I was surrounded by shopping malls. It seems that at every corner, there's a shop selling something. I also noticed an abnormal amount of people owning DSLRs, expensive phones and wearing only the latest fashions. Here in America, the only people who use DSLRs are the professional photographers. Only they would put that much money into a camera!
In the U.S., most people generally aren't as wealthy as in Singapore. At least not the ones that I usually hang out with. Of course the wealthiest American is far richer than the wealthiest Singaporean but I don't get to rub shoulders with them on a daily basis. Instead, homeless vagrants have become part of my familiar landscape here- something that is virtually erased from the clean streets of Singapore. Actually physically seeing a person not having a house to live in or food to eat really puts recreational shopping in a different light (see previous post about Christmas gifts).
I find that the way the American middle class dresses and the things they own aren't usually as up to date as in Singapore. And honestly, I find it easier and more comfortable hanging around the former. I just don't get the same kind of frenzied fashion/status consciousness as when I'm surrounded by the American class. In America, I don't usually feel like people are wondering why I'm wearing the same sweatshirt four days in a row other than I'm not being diligent with my laundry. Perhaps it's more of a suburbs vs. city mentality... I can't exactly put my finger on it...
In a way, my materialistic sense was heightened a lot more in Singapore than in the U.S.. Hah. Ironic right? Most people would consider America to be a very materialistic place... Well at least compared to other third world countries...
Overall, I just find that God moved me to the U.S. because he knew that I would not be able to control my selfish materialistic thoughts in Singapore. He brought me here so that I could truly unlearn those habits and spend some time with Him.
There are other perfect reasons as well for God to have moved me here... Some still unaccounted for because they are yet to be revealed.
I find it hard to explain to people sometimes how I could feel calm and excited about my future when I should be worrying. They usually take it as a sign that I simply don't care about what I'm going to do after college. The thing is I do care. I care a lot more than I may give off, but I am also consciously leaving this completely up to God.
For the first time in my life, I am praying and asking God to lead me during this critical period. In the past, God would simply put me in circumstances that worked out for my good even though I didn't pray about it. He was already leading me even when I wasn't asking Him to be the Lord of my life. But time after time, all those circumstances have turned out to not only be excellent, but perfect and necessary to my spiritual, emotional, physical and mental growth. I never prayed about choosing a secondary school, but God somehow landed me in one that fit just right. I obviously never prayed about the U.S. but God already foresaw what was to come and put me in place to do His good work.
If God has been faithful all these years, how much more will He bless my prayers now that they are offered in all earnestness?
I ask God for a sign, sometimes for reassurance... Something, anything! God just tell me... Grad school, or get a job? Stay in the U.S., move back to Singapore, or go elsewhere?
But now I am thinking: perhaps a clueness Mindy is exactly what the God intends. I've been clueless my entire life, but I've never worried about the future until now. And even without my worrying, everything turned out just fine and dandy. So what good will my worrying do? Absolutely NONE.
I don't care if other people think that I'm just bumming through college, through life right now. Floating directionless through time and space. Just because I have no career path in mind doesn't mean I'm lost! And that doesn't mean that I have to act worried about it either. I am not worried... Sometimes I think I'm more worried about other people worrying that I look/act worried.
I hope that people will stop mistaking my joy for nonchalance. I believe that God has gone ahead of me to prepare a place and circumstances where He can use me fully and truly for His glory. That is the career path that I have chosen by faith and I know it will not fail me.
Adios!
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