Last night before I fell asleep, it suddenly hit me that my horrible grades this semester might really make an impact on my scholarship. Meaning, I could possibly lose it.
It was a horrible sinking feeling as I lay there thinking about how disappointed everybody is going to be in me. Even worse was how disappointed I felt in myself. I'm already about to lose two thirds of my athletic scholarship thanks to coach pulling me out of indoor and outdoor seasons for next year. I tried thinking about how differently I could have done things but my brain has already efficiently removed most traces of this last semester. It seems like a million years ago.
So just I lay there and lay there and lay there... Wondering if this was it; the end. Am I going to just float through life being a nobody, doing nothing?
Then a thought came up, that I don't even know what I want to do yet.
In fact, thanks to college, I now despise more subjects than ever before-- not because the lessons are difficult, but because I understand them even more now and can't justify having a career doing something that I believe is largely flawed.
For example, economics is largely founded on statistics. Economists review statistical data, then try to formulate theories. But obviously since there is no way to ever collect accurate data (everything in statistics is pretty much assumed), then how can you formulate theories? And how can you predict the future? You can't. And how dare you argue with other people to try to prove your theory when from the very start, your statistical data is just a bunch of assumptions?
I don't even feel like understanding all these theories now just because I already know they base it off a bunch of assumptions. I know you can't include all the factors into one equation because they are just too many and the model will become too complicated for macroeconomics, but if you can't do that, then why bother?
Maybe it's just me.
But me is losing interest in everything... And I don't know if that's good or bad. So far this sapping of interest seems to be bad because my grades are slipping...
It was a horrible sinking feeling as I lay there thinking about how disappointed everybody is going to be in me. Even worse was how disappointed I felt in myself. I'm already about to lose two thirds of my athletic scholarship thanks to coach pulling me out of indoor and outdoor seasons for next year. I tried thinking about how differently I could have done things but my brain has already efficiently removed most traces of this last semester. It seems like a million years ago.
So just I lay there and lay there and lay there... Wondering if this was it; the end. Am I going to just float through life being a nobody, doing nothing?
Then a thought came up, that I don't even know what I want to do yet.
In fact, thanks to college, I now despise more subjects than ever before-- not because the lessons are difficult, but because I understand them even more now and can't justify having a career doing something that I believe is largely flawed.
For example, economics is largely founded on statistics. Economists review statistical data, then try to formulate theories. But obviously since there is no way to ever collect accurate data (everything in statistics is pretty much assumed), then how can you formulate theories? And how can you predict the future? You can't. And how dare you argue with other people to try to prove your theory when from the very start, your statistical data is just a bunch of assumptions?
I don't even feel like understanding all these theories now just because I already know they base it off a bunch of assumptions. I know you can't include all the factors into one equation because they are just too many and the model will become too complicated for macroeconomics, but if you can't do that, then why bother?
Maybe it's just me.
But me is losing interest in everything... And I don't know if that's good or bad. So far this sapping of interest seems to be bad because my grades are slipping...
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