Because it's Monday, I spent the whole day cleaning with my little bro.
Luckily for us, dinner time didn't disappoint with beef, squash, mushroom and onion kebabs.
I was really exhausted by late afternoon though and promptly fell asleep on my bed for two hours. During those two hours, I vividly remember the dreams that I had. Although they were cut up into different sections (I woke up in between), they were all sort of connected to each other.
In my dreams I was traveling somewhere to live permanently but brought very little of my belongings with me. On my way to that next city/country, I somehow got separated from the old lady I was traveling with because chaos had broken out in the area. Nobody was safe and I felt hunted in every corner. Eventually, the whole dream turned into some hide-and-seek end of the world kind of nightmare. I found myself in a hospital hiding in the last dream, when the enemies broke into the building and began torturing people brutally. People were screaming and crying everywhere. In my heart, I somehow felt that if I were caught, the enemies would torture me if I didn't renounce my faith- and I was afraid that I would give up for fear of pain. Inevitably, I was cornered and caught; and this is really odd, but my captor began rubbing a small sore on my leg violently to hurt me because I would not give up the fight. Afterwards, I woke up.
For some reason, my dreams have been following such a scary theme for almost a year now.
And whenever these kind of apocalyptic dreams come up, I always get a sense of God being there with me; yet I don't seem to be able to cry out to Him. I used to be able to pray in my dreams but in these dreams I am always running away instead.
I'm not sure what all this is about but I really need to be more diligent about praying about my dreams before falling asleep. This dream probably happened because I was complacent before and did not ask for Jesus' presence and protection in my dreams/thoughts before sleeping.
On another note, I've been thinking about what I would like to do for the rest of my life if I had a completely free choice...... and honestly, I would love to be a missionary.
Whenever the church has a missions trip coming up, nobody knows, but I'm burning inside to go. Yet I never signed up for any missions trip because I never felt spiritually or financially adequate for the task. I also wasn't sure if going would be a part of God's plan. I guess I just didn't bother to ask.
But after working at VBS with the first graders and at Teen Bible Camp, I saw how rewarding serving fulltime actually is. In my mind, I compared it to all the other secular jobs I've ever had in my life and they all just fell short.
Take catering for example- it pays really well and I get to meet celebrities and interesting people each time, which is fun at first, but it does nothing. I don't feel like I've contributed anything to the world at all after each party. But Bible camps? I see how the Holy Spirit can move in the lives of each person. My time there is not wasted.
And not to mention, my love for other cultures and new situations certainly add fuel to the fire for going on mission trips.
I got a little sad thinking that God would probably never let me go on a mission trip. Or maybe just one and then it'll be back to regular life. Maybe I'll just witness to people at my everyday job. But oh how I wish that my everyday job were servicing the Lord! I can't explain this feeling...
Then I realised, that I've been on a mission trip for the past seven years.
I'm here in the U.S. aren't I?
Dude. Since God's promising me marriage in the future, I hope my husband is going to be some missionary guy. I cannot imagine living in the same country for more than a few years anymore.
Dear Lord Jesus, I will seek first Your kingdom above all else. I will not lust after all sorts of things that this world as to offer, but I will chase after Your goodness. I will seek You and find You in the quiet place. Then You will give me the desires of my heart and I will sing Your praises! I am so excited to see all the plans that You have for me. I know that You love me more than I love myself and so I am entrusting my future with You. Better is one day in Your house than thousands elsewhere!
4 comments:
Boo! :) I think it's important to pray before we sleep, cause i have experienced it myself. The dream just proceeded in a way in which i don't seem to have control over. But i started to pray and ask God to keep me from sin and temptations even in my dreams, and God has answered the prayer :)
with regards to full time ministry or being a missionary, tell God your desire, and wait for God to reveal His plans for your life. You got to be called to do so before you jump into it. God's calling is so clear and it is accompanied with His power and presence so you won't miss it. Can start reflecting on your life to see if there is a certain direction in which God is leading you towards :) God is happy to use all who are willing so who knows? God may just call you soon...
if you think God has placed the burden of missions in your heart, start by praying and joining short-term mission trips with the more experienced. They do a great part in affirming God's call in my life, as i have heard many people tell me how i am suited to be one. so, do join! :) God provides all your needs! for all the mission trips i went to, people in church supported me! they gave so generously, and God provided more than enough for me. So don't worry about what you don't have, just do it and see how God will provide everything else :) yup yup.
Thanks for the encouragement. The reason why I haven't moved before is precisely because I've never felt any sort of "calling". Just a strong desire. So I am waiting, and praying :)
i think it starts with the desire! :)
Recently, someone once again brought me to face the verse "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." Phil 2:13. Go read the whole passage and ponder on it. our willingness and ability to do it is from God. it is not a coincidence that you have that will. so start doing smth abt it. just like David wanted to build a temple for God, even though in God's plan he was not the one to build it, he prepared extensively for it and God even given him the plan for it! so you can do smth about that will of yours even if it's slightly different from God's
so now you have that will, tell God plainly your fears, hopes and expectations, be totally honest before God. If it is indeed His will, God will comfort you, help you with your fears and point you in the direction. Be totally honest.
and do what you can with the opportunities around you. They are not there for no reasons. Seize any chance to test out this desire of yours, cause we trust that God will direct our steps. so don't just sit there and pray, act on your desires if you know that it is in line with God's call.
as i mentioned before, God is an orderly God. He has already been moulding you and changing you. So observe, reflect and see what God has been doing in your life. It should tell you a lot of things. For example, i know very well that God made me thirst for His Word, make me want to expound His word to others, He made me want to help those who are suffering and comfort them, because He has comforted me in many many ways. And He has always given me opportunities to go on missions.
so trace back, and see what God has been doing in your life. This will tell you a lot about where He wants to lead you to next.
Thanks for the verse and advice! It's comforting already, to know that I am not being selfish in this desire. I am on the lookout for opportunities and praying for God to direct me as He has been doing my whole life! Interestingly, I actually have been reflecting on the path God has led me down all these years and it all points towards something.... just can't put my finger on it yet. But I'm excited! So I'm waiting upon the Lord for an answer :)
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