Patience

Patience is a virtue......... that I don't always have.

Little things like when I'm talking to someone and they pretend not to hear/understand what I say and they keep saying "what? Huh?"- that drives me nuts! Even when people truly don't hear/understand what I'm saying and I keep having to explain myself, that drives me up the wall too!

And even though I've got unlimited texts now, I really hate texting because it's just plain annoying. So it really riles my feathers when people just ask a million obvious questions back instead of just answering YES or NO.

It makes me so irritated that I wanna throw my phone into the trash can!

Unlimited texting in my case, has not been a boon. It's a big fat bane.

There are a whole bunch of other things that's making me feel like throwing things into the trash can but I'm holding myself from acting rashly.

Even though I haven't outwardly lost my patience, inside I am scowling like a rat. I almost feel as if my bones are shrivelling up.

Why am I so easily irritated by these useless things? I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm tired. But that doesn't change or excuse the fact that I've got a spirit of impatience somewhere deep in my heart.

Help me Father in heaven, to overcome this impatient feeling. Help me to bear with others in love and to be peace-loving in all that I think, say or do. Help me to look at others through your perspective and not mine. I give my burdens of impatience, anger, worry and irritability to You; and instead pick up Your burden, which is light and easy to bear. Holy Spirit give me the strength to act in Your love at all times. Lord, remind me that I am imperfect and annoying and a sinner myself. Turn my eyes back into focus on You and away from the thoughts of this world. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Honours Thesis DONE!

WOW!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'M FINALLY DONE WITH MY SENIOR HONOURS THESIS AND PRESENTATION!

YAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you God!

Now that the worst is over, I can focus on the rest of my schoolwork that's been piling up.

I really wanted to spend a whole week playing after I finished writing my senior thesis but I guess that will have to wait until summer comes. My academic and sports calendar just won't allow it. I've got too much stuff lined up in the weeks to come.

But honestly, I learnt a lot about myself from this thesis writing experience. Under what conditions am I most motivated, most creative, etc. I also realised that I'm not one to stress easily because I know how to let myself relax when I need to. In fact the hardest part is to get myself out of relaxation mode and into stress mode a little more.

You can imagine how I felt when I finally handed in my thesis, exhausted on Monday morning after not sleeping for 25 hours straight, only to find out that almost everyone had gotten extensions on their thesis datelines!!!

So unfair!

They don't even have track practice twice a day!

I felt like I went through hell for nothing.

Ok but at least I'm done now so what other people do is none of my business. I'm just glad that it's over, even though I'll still be fine tuning my paper in the weeks to come.

On Sunday I only had time for one meal so I went to the Korean place a few streets away from school to have bibimbop. It was SO GOOD but really expensive in my opinion. This bowl used to be 6USD two years ago. Now it's almost 9USD! The quality hasn't gone down though, so I guess it's okay since they need to adjust to food inflation as well.

On Monday night, since I'd handed in my thesis final draft that afternoon, I finally obliged to go play Bingo with Nat since she insisted.

I kept getting really close but never got a single Bingo.

Nat was really into it but I was really tired by then and starting to fall asleep. I kept hoping that the next round would be a speed round so that we would get it over with. The prizes sounded quite cool actually- a black Wii, an iTouch, a Visa giftcard... but we quickly lost hope when everyone else started winning and we didn't.

The last prizes left were lame- movie tickets to watch The Fighter (I wouldn't even have the time to go watch it should I have won); so we didn't feel too bad when we lost those rounds.

The next day, Tuesday at practice, we got to play soccer which seemed really awesome at the beginning until I realised I wouldn't get much of a workout because there were almost twenty people squeezed into a field less than half the size of a normal soccer field. Not only that, but both guys and girls were playing together.

After a while I just got bored because our team's defense was so good that I didn't need to do much (I was goalkeeping).

I left practice feeling kind of upset that I didn't get to workout at all so I went to the gym to console my hungry muscles.

While I was there, Mae came and asked if I wanted to do a scavenger hunt so I said YES! And Nat very very very unwillingly decided to do it as well.

And boy isn't she happy that we did it now that we WON a 100USD Visa giftcard!

AHHH!

Not only that, but I got a neat little workout because we ran everywhere for about 40 minutes during the scavenger hunt. I think that's why we won, because we're long distance runners and we didn't get tired doing it while everyone else did... Haha.

I went home smiling all night last night.

Not really smiling tonight though because I've got a lot of homework to do before Saturday. Since Sunday, I've only gotten about 14 hours of sleep which is very little considering I need about 9 hours to feel normal the next day.

God has been oh so Good!

And I can't wait for church this Sunday; just can't wait to sing sing sing to Him, how great and awesome He is!

Relearning Socialisation Skills

This is really bothering me right now, to the point that I have to write about this quickly before returning to my thesis!

Why is it that I am so prone to being rude around my roommates?

I feel like every single time I talk to them, something inappropriate slips out of my mouth in the name of humour but obviously no one's laughing afterwards.

Why is it just with them though?

I don't think it's because they're being overly sensitive because I do reflect back on what I say and often times they're things that I would not have liked to be said to myself. So is it an issue with boundaries?

I guess because we live with each other, I have this false sense of intimacy that they'll get my off-coloured jokes (jokes can still be off-coloured without vulgarities) or understand where I'm coming from.

Or is this a cultural thing?

I don't seem to have this problem with any of my friends in Singapore... Or at least nobody's telling me.

But one thing I'm grateful for is that I live with straightforward people who tell me to my face when they don't like the thoughtless comments I'm making to them. It really helps with my re-socialisation skills.

Ok thought process done.

Bye!

Midnight Crisis

This morning on Facebook, I wrote that I am "seeing parallels between long distance races and thesis writing... Most of which are unpleasant but character-building."

Right now, at 23:54 at night, I feel like I'm dying on the track but I still have more than two-thirds of the race to go.

Met somebody and sent in my resume yesterday.

It was the best interview I've ever had in my life. I'm not sure anything may come of this though, because I kind of just dropped in the career fair on Wednesday just to see what's going on. I wasn't actually looking for anything but... Well, we'll see.

My brain is literally frying in its own juice right now. I can't even go back to Pennsylvania for church tomorrow morning because I'm NOWHERE NEAR DONE my thesis!

I just passed the halfway point this afternoon but was disheartened by the fact that it took me TWO WEEKS to get there. How am I supposed to finish the other half in two days???

Scrunchie.

Unconsciously, I've been stress-relieving by tying and retying my hair.

I've also been swallowing a lot of bubbles.

And hanging above my head is this quote I made up a long time ago, which I never felt to be so true as today.

It'll be a miracle if I can get to sleep by 03:00...

Sigh.

Dear Lord... Strength! Discipline! Wisdom! Encouragement!

Please!!!!!

Amen!

Thank you!

*pant pant*

Still Here

T'was a beautiful day today.

I had bubble chocolate milk and I'm still not done with my thesis.

New Lappie!

WHAT A NICE WEEKEND!

I can hardly believe it but my parents decided to get me an early graduation gift today.... A new computer!

I'm actually using it right now as I type and I must say, it's really nice to have my own computer again! After a week of labouring on the school's super duper slow processing systems, this feels like a welcome breeze of cool air.

And guess what kind of computer it is?

Surprise surprise... I can't believe I actually agreed to get one...

A 15 inch Macbook Pro!

*gasp*

If you don't know what the hoo-hah is about, it's a really big deal for me because I've always been against Apple's products. I never, never, never ever wanted a Mac or anything related to Apple because I never did like it nor did I want to like it.

After my laptop died last Monday, my parents asked whether I wanted a Mac and of course I immediately replied "NO". But I gave it a lot more thought over the days and wondered if I was being prejudiced against Apple for no apparent reason other than its snobby brand image. And besides, I'm too familiar and comfortable with Microsoft to want to change my habits now.

But here I am, typing on a Macbook Pro; and actually liking it.

So weird.

But I told myself that it's JUST a computer and I shouldn't be so stubborn about stupid things like that. Please, I should be thankful to even have anything to type on right now.

And well... I'll admit it. Macs aren't all that bad. And because the processors are moving so nice and quickly, I don't miss my old laptop that much.

On another note, Saturday night brought another milestone in my life.

It was the first time in a long time that my mom and I could open up our hearts and just talk about our feelings without reserve. I haven't felt so much like her daughter in such a long time. The most amazing thing was my mom actually sharing some of her spiritual story with me about how God has led her in life. I was really touched that God is answering all these prayers to draw my mom closer to Him. He's definitely listening and being faithful to His word!

After our four hour long conversation, it felt as if something deep within our relationship had changed again... for the better. I went to bed feeling really happy and grateful inside for everything.

Here's me with a renewed spirit, ready to tackle this upcoming week of school!

Oh yeah.

Thesis update: I'm about one/tenth of the way through and the deadline is NEXT MONDAY!

AHHHH!!!!

Okay but I'm not worried. I'm going to do my best and let God do the rest. Last night my mom said something that really helped. She said that she's always believed that God will show me a path and give me a better life than what she's had to go through. And when she said that, I sincerely believed that it is God's purpose to fulfill my mother's blessings for her children.

I am not afraid!

In Him, I will find strength. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

Last week of March, LET'S GOOOO!!!!!

Spring Break Thursday

Blogging just doesn't feel the same without my own personal computer. There's nowhere to store and organise my truckloads of pictures for one thing and the school's desktops from the Stone Age isn't helping.

Luckily for me, I didn't delete last week's pictures from my camera yet so I've still got something... even though it's not a lot.

Anyways I think it was last Thursday when we had a pep rally in school where they celebrated three teams winning the MAAC Conference together. For the first time since never, three sports teams at my school won MAACs at the same time. It's pretty crazy. This year we've got men's basketball, men's soccer and the women's indoor track & field taking it home at the same time.

On top of that, a swimmer at our school actually qualified for the NCAAs which is a conference held at the national level. This is the first time anybody from the MAAC conference, let alone our school even got to that level.

Pretty awesome!

The pep rally was kind of lame. Not a lot of people showed up and the speeches were contrived and sounded completely insincere for the most part. Except for maybe the men's basketball coach, everyone else sounded like they were programmed robots.

It just felt weird to be celebrated for something I didn't earn. The girls' track team won only because of people who scored points and since I didn't score any points, I felt out of place. But oh wells. I should really learn to appreciate the moment right? Right!

This past Saturday morning, Aaron did me a huge favour and changed my car stereo to new one.

If you didn't know, my old car stereo was an original factory model from Honda which started acting crazy about four months ago. By January 2011, it wouldn't play CDs at all and kept making a really loud annoying ticking sound every few minutes.

You can imagine how frustrated I was sitting in traffic, trying to listen to the crackling radio through the "TZZ TZZ TZZZZ TZZ TZZ TZZZZ" sound.

The new stereo is super awesome because I can finally plug my MP3 player in. Yay!

In all, this week has just been a really long week. I don't know what it is. I eat the same food everyday because I don't feel like cooking anything else. But I do feel like eating other things like laksa, Hainanese chicken rice...

Instead I'm having rice, Japanese fish soup & stir fried baby bok choy with mushrooms.

The weather was so beautiful today, it actually felt a little bit like summer! Temperatures rose to about 16 Celsius and we all wore shorts and T-shirts to track practice in the park. I even got a little tan; you could see the tan lines on my legs...

Dear God, when will this week be over?

This is what I get when I ask God to teach me discipline! Haha!

No, but really... Even though this is a tough week, I'm learning some serious time management skills here. God really has a time for everything. Guess this is just a season of work. It just seems especially tough when your season of work is occurring during other people's season of fun you know? Everyone else seems to be getting to enjoy their spring break while I'm....

Ok I should really stop complaining!

Besides, right now it's time for me to log off, take my paper home to pore over and make brownies for supper.

TATA!

Blessing In Disguise?

Last night my laptop finally gave it's last breath and passed away. Unfortunately, it also decided to take my thesis and five years worth of photos down to the grave with it. But the whole impact of what had happened didn't quite hit me until I woke up this morning and wanted to check the weather, only to remember that I couldn't.

So after half a morning of hunting around for computers to use on campus, I finally found myself in a computer lab (all by myself too, thank goodness) with my entire thesis to start from scratch all over again.

Despondency, hopelessness, weariness... I guess those are just some of the emotions that are running through my heart right now. How can I find the strength to finish all my assignments, give my physical best at practice, be a kind friend and withdraw myself from anger?

"I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." (Psalms 121:1-2)

I only know that when this storm is over, as long as I am holding fast to God's Word, He will lead me out to open spaces, besides green pastures and quiet waters.

As for now, I can only do my best (like you said, Talia) and let God do the rest...

Dear Lord, I am certain that all these things are happening to bring about a better ending. Because Your Word promises that Your plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, therefore I will cling to Your righteousness and faithfulness to do all these things. I ask for Your divine help and blessing over all that I put my hands to do today. May Your hand be upon me at all times... Thank You Lord for Your peace that passes understanding. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

A Tough Week

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they do.

I find myself dreading next week because I don't want to have to see the people who are making me upset and making everything seem as if it were my fault. And it's so much worse because God tells us to do good to those who hate us.

Talk about an impossible mission...

It's one thing if people are upfront about disliking you, but it's another when they put a smile on their faces but their hearts are full of venom. You never know when they're going to lash out but getting bitten is inevitable when you're surrounded by snakes.

But again, God says to be at peace with everybody, if that is possible.

If this were three or four years ago, you know I would be having a tirade about how much these people stink right now. But things have changed since then. I try to hold my tongue and pray for those who get under my skin. But it's not much easier now than it would be back then. To be honest, this is ten thousand times harder.

Even small incidents can set me trembling now because I am struggling so hard inside to not lash out in any way possible. But most of all, I am struggling to give my angry heart over to God. And why am I angry? Because of my self-righteousness! Again!

Maybe it's because today is like a Good Friday to me that this week has been so dark spiritually. I don't know and I won't jump to conclusions. But tonight I just feel really under the weather after all that's happened.

I feel unfairly treated, stepped on and tired. I ran a really lousy time trial today and I'm going to be stuck at school during the entire spring break writing my thesis while everyone else is holidaying somewhere warm.

And I just can't seem to shake this depressing feeling that's come all of a sudden.

"Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

(Psalms 37:5-9)

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”"

(Mark 4:35-40)

I know what I have to do but... I just feel like the disciples in the ship right now. The storm is starting to really rage and I'm afraid of falling over the boat. But why do I care when Jesus Christ Himself is on the boat with me? The Creator of all things is able to calm the storm at a word, but I have still so little faith. I see no good end in sight and I'm afraid.

Dear Lord, it's hard right now and I know You see all the things that I've been going through. Give me grace and increase my faith because I know that You have already gone ahead of me and that you are bringing me to greater heights through these trials... Be my Comforter and Strength in time of need. In all things may I continue in Your will. May Your Word be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path... In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Studying Was A Disaster

Well, today was no better than yesterday. I couldn't write anything. All I did was procrastinate from dawn till dusk. And of course it didn't help that I couldn't get up till 11:00 this morning. I think it's because my sleeping, eating and everything else schedule feels completely messed up... Ai.. Who knows.. That's probably just an excuse.

See it's not that I don't like to write, nor do I hate the topic that I'm writing about. But for some reason, it just seems near impossible to do it!

My friend said that I'll definitely be able to finish it on time, but I'll just really suffer during the last week or so. I hope she's not right about the second part. I want to do it now so that I don't have to cram during the last few days! I have other homework due around the same time as well.

My roommate is leaving for Puerto Rico during spring break and her room looks ridiculous from the packing- kind of like what my brain feels like at the moment.

*sigh*

I'm going to try my best to stay off Facebook for the next two weeks...

Impromptu To West Village & 2 Corinthians 4:7-8

Today wasn't exactly a productive day (I wrote one paragraph for my thesis, but I will write one more after I finish blogging! Really!), but it was certainly fun-filled.

In the morning we had practice at 07:10 as usual, then I fought to stay awake for the rest of the day in class. I didn't really learn anything interesting today. Well in German we studied primary and secondary endings for adjectives but that kind of flew past my head.

So in the afternoon, coach sent us an email saying that afternoon practice was cancelled so that we could travel to Connecticut with the fan bus to watch our school's men's basketball team play in the MAAC Championships. As in track, MAACs is a really big deal because winning it would mean an entry to NCAA for our team.

But instead of going to Connecticut, I decided to plan an impromptu trip to New York City since the sun was out and all.

This is us waiting for the school shuttle to take us to the train station. We could've walked but our lazy bums decided to take the shuttle instead.

The sky looked really beautiful today but the wind seemed to cut right through our layers of clothes.

Thinking thoughts on the train into New York City.

We didn't really have a plan as to where to go in the city. We just got out at the Christopher Street station and started walking south. Saw a thrift store and decided to check it out.

Sadly, there wasn't much to see and the prices weren't exactly "thrifty".

So we hit the windy streets again and headed north.

Strolled around West Village for a bit before settling in a Starbucks.

I noticed that in other places, Starbucks always seems very expensive to me. But when I'm in New York City, I don't find Starbucks overpriced because everything else is already expensive to begin with.

Took my pals to the Highline Park in Meatpacking District. It seems that everybody that comes to the city with me always ends up here. I'm beginning to feel like a tour guide everytime I come here...

Walking up the stairs at the Gansevoort Street entrance facing the designer Standard Hotel.

Nat pausing for a bit to warm her hands.

All the plants on this former subway track had more or less turned wintry dry. But when spring comes, this place will be blooming with flowers and green leaves. I can't wait! Not to mention the temperatures should be a little milder then... Spring is actually only two or so weeks away, officially (first day of spring is 20th March this year).

Enjoying our unorthodox view of building tops.

Found tanning benches where the sunlight seemed the warmest. The benches were nice and empty since it's so cold and no one wants to sit out there in their bikinis even though the sun was out.

A neat section of the park where you can sit and watch the traffic go by below.

Checking out unique architecture along the West Side Highway.

The Empire State Building rising up in the distance.

Passed by this 1800s looking building on the way down from the Highline.

Stumbled upon Anthropologie and decided to go in for a look. Aunty Cindy, if you're reading this, I was really excited because I remembered that you liked this store!

Anthropologie is very much like Urban Outfitters, selling lifestyle items to clothes, furniture, accessories and even stationery. Everything has a really pretty, artsy almost tribal/village vibe.

Or, in this case, girly.

Interior design, Anthropologie style.

I LOVE their dresses! Looking at them made me want to make dresses again. I already have one in mind... :)

Cool piece of art.

Bringing nature into a man-made environment.

Flower chair.

On the train back to school.

Decided to eat at the school cafe for dinner today so that Nat wouldn't be by herself.

And what fare greeted us! Breakfast for dinner! I had pancakes with maple syrup, sausage and scrambled eggs. Yummm..... said my mouth. My stomach disagreed later.

Despite what you think this looks like, it's not what it looks like.

Unless you're thinking chocolate+marshmallow+marmalade. Because that's what it is. And in case you're wondering, nobody ate it because it tasted as nasty as it looked. That's school cafe for you I guess! That's why I try to cook as much as I can...

After dinner, I wrote the one paragraph of my thesis that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, then knocked out cold on my bed until my phone alarm rang for Bible Study at 20:00.

At Bible Study, we talked about being victorious in Christ despite our failings. Again, it was a message that I didn't know I needed to hear but was glad when I did. Somewhere along the road, I guess I was starting to feel undeserving and inadequate because of all the things I may have said or thought that displeased God in some way. I've been so caught up in thinking about how I may please God in my actions that I forgot about His GRACE.

And because I can't live up to God's expectations of holiness, I bring myself down thinking that I've got no right to be posting Christian statuses on Facebook, talking about Christ to my friends, or even conducting Bible studies. And it's true... I've got no right... But because of what Christ has done on the cross, redeeming me, I no longer need to live according to the law but according to the Spirit!

I guess what that said to me the most is that I may stumble and fall sometimes but that doesn't necessarily mean that God will turn away from me and strike me down like He did to Saul. Well... and after reading about how David was punished for despising God's law in his affair with Bathsheba, I got really freaked out. I was like "oh no! Did I despise God's law when I thought angry thoughts about that so-and-so? That's it, I'm done!"

Well, I don't want to say that all those things that happened in the Old Testament do not apply to us anymore, because God is an unchanging eternal God. He doesn't change His mind about sin from one century to another. But one thing that He has given to us today is the personal guidance of the Holy Spirit and redemption in the blood of Christ.

I guess... I don't know what else to make of it but I felt relieved after today's Bible study.

I must keep in mind that I should not be focusing on asking the right questions, but on listening for God's answers. He's probably already speaking but I'm just not listening...

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair." (2 Corinthians 4:7-8)

Sunday

Young adults' group at church on Sunday.

Road flooded in three inches of water on the way back to school in Jersey.

Love Your Enemies

For the past week, we've been having practice at 07:15 in the morning in addition to our afternoon practices. As a result, I missed my class on Wednesday because I was too tired and accidentally napped for three hours straight.

My right foot looks horrible now. I pulled the nail out on Tuesday and have been nail-less ever since. Oh well... I have no one to impress anyway.

Well my foot's not the only one that's been under attack recently. It seems as if every day of this week, there's always been a misunderstanding to test my patience. Because of those misunderstandings, a few people have turned against me and it's really driving me crazy that they don't even want to hear me out or forgive me.

It makes me angry to think that I am actually seeking their forgiveness when I've done nothing wrong to begin with! And the only reason why I'm even apologising is because I don't want bad air between us.

The worst part is, this itchy mouth of mine keeps feeling the need to justify myself with other people. It's like I want everybody else to know that I'm not in the wrong; and that obviously makes me look like an idiot even more.

This morning I got so fed up after practice that I just went back to my room and cried. I hate feeling this way. God says to "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28) But deep in my guts I am wrenching in fits of rage.

I simply can't do it alone.

It may be easy to control my outward actions, but as for the thoughts of my heart and the words that come from the wellspring of my heart, those are the most telling signs that all is not right deep inside.

Even worse, because everybody knows that I'm Christian, they're all looking to see how I would react to situations. I don't want to be a stumbling block to anybody because of my words! Then I'd just be a hypocrite preaching what I do not practice.

And through it all, God is whispering to me... Love your enemies...

Last night I attended C.L.I.M.B. (young adults' bible study) through Skype and the topic was... surprise surprise, loving your enemies! Not only that, but I've been putting up Bible verses on our dorm fridge daily and yesterday's verse was from Luke 6:27-28 as well! Interestingly, before the bulk of those bad incidents happened, I was standing by the track and my friend kept nudging me on the side to irritate me. I just ignored him and didn't even look at him. And as he kept nudging me, he kept saying "turn the other cheek, turn the other cheek" while laughing. Now when I think about it, it's really like a moment of premonition... A warning sign that I should remember to "turn the other cheek".

Who knows what is going to happen next? But I am grateful nonetheless for God's lessons in love and patience. I know that all these things are happening to refine my spirit, as long as I remain in His Word and put it to practice.

If I ever wanted to shine for God, this is the time to do it!

Thank You Lord for answering my prayers... May Your hand be upon me in Jesus' name, Amen!

Tooting God's Horn

I just came back from class and originally wanted to blog about something wonderful, but then I changed my mind. I guess I just want to try this new thing called "not tooting my own horn", you know?

It's really hard for me. In my previous posts I talked about how I often felt unrecognised and I'm always looking for praise and approval from other people as a result. Therefore, each time I accomplish something, I naturally want to get pats on my back from family and friends. But now I see that's just futile longing on my part.

If anything, the only reason why I managed to pull off any intellectual, physical or spiritual achievements, is really because of the great mercy and grace of my Creator, Lord Jesus Christ. He created me with the gifts that allowed me to achieve all of those things. I didn't work for any of those gifts. I don't even deserve to live- but God gave them to me anyway, because He loves me and wants the best for me.

So today, I shall share this sweet victory with God alone, giving thanks and praise to the One who actually deserves it.

Thank you God! You are superduper awesome!

Peanut Sandals

The Korean supermarket just keeps surprising me!

I am severely addicted to peanuts again after a six year hiatus. Seriously didn't expect to find this brand here in the U.S. either.

Upon closer inspection, I must say those are pretty awesome farmers' sandals.

So, no prizes for guessing whether I procrastinated today or not.

If I never finish my thesis, it's all my fault. Undeniably. I had no classes, no engagements to worry about today, but I chose not to do my homework. I spent all day reading random stuff online about the latest news in cryptozoology and some book that's been laying around. But I just couldn't bring myself to write anything thesis-related!

Sometimes, I wish my grandma could just sit next to me with the cane again. Then I'd definitely write my thesis when I'm supposed to.